Understanding Government Speak: Kinetic Military Action in Libya

There are numerous blogs and online news stories that try to educate parents and old people (anyone over 25 years old or who does not play Xbox Live) on the language used by texters and in email, such as OMG and LOL.

Recent events made me think that a similar primer might be useful to explain just what the heck the people in government are talking about.

As someone who previously served my time in government (in Washington DC no less) but was let out for good behavior, I’m as good a choice as any to aid the public in what public officials and their spokesmen (people?) are saying. So here goes:

Kinetic Military Action = blowing up things in a foreign country, used to be known as “War”.

Muammar Gaddafi, Saddam Hussein, Osama Bin Laden (Insert Name) is not a target = We want him dead but wish that someone else would do it since we probably don’t really know exactly where he is.

Revenue Enhancement= Tax you a whole lot more, so much that you will bleed.

Manageable Debt = The Chinese own us.

Pleased with the progress = Nothing has happened but people are still talking so it looks like we are doing something.

Allies = people who pretend to be helping us except for the British, Australians and Poles who actually do help.

Command and Control = Act like you know what’s going on.

Constructive dialogue = Nobody threw a shoe at anybody.

Now that you know this when someone from the Government comes out and says:

“In the current Kinetic Military Action in Libya, Muammar Gaddafi is not a target. We are pleased with the progress we have made with our Allies regarding Command and Control issues, there has been constructive dialogue. As for paying for this action the debt is manageable but that does not rule out future revenue enhancements.”

What they mean is:

“In the current War in Libya where we are blowing things up, we want Muammar Gaddafi dead but since we don’t know exactly where he is we wish someone else would do it. We have been talking but not doing anything with the people who pretend to help us (except for the British, Australians and Poles who really do help) about who will act like they know what is going on, and so far no one has thrown a shoe at anybody. As for paying for this action; the Chinese own us, but that does not rule out taxing you a whole lot more, so much that you will bleed.”

There now you know what they said.

Maybe it was better when you couldn’t understand them.

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